CyberNut or Not

England. Internet Addiction. Eight Major Maladies. This is the translation of an online headline at Sin Chew Daily my wife alerted me to. The opening paragraph first commented on the Time’s the Person of the Year honor as being half right as it failed to mention the risk of Internet surfing: addiction and pathological servitude to the virtual master that is Internet.

The article then proceeded to list the eight maladies associated with Internet addiction, quoting an article in The New Scientist. So I decided to look up the original source, and located the online article entitled Can’t get e-enough at its website. However, the article actually listed eleven such afflictions at the end under Modern Maladies.

In what follows, I’m going to reproduce the eleven maladies, each to be followed by a self-diagnosis of whether I’m free of the malaise, show symptoms, or cold turkey treatment is called for, in square brackets. Here I go.

1) Blog streaking: Revealing secrets or personal information online, which for everybody's sake would be best kept private.[I have two blogs, but in both cases only the bare minimum of personal information is divulged. At best, readers may be able to decipher some of my personal leanings by reading in between the lines. But again, that’s not likely to be any more revealing than, say reading a newspaper column as I have a very meticulous copy editor, my wife, who holds my tendency for excessive outpouring in check. So yes, I’m definitely fully clothed.]

2) Crackberry: The curse of the modern executive, not being able to stop checking your BlackBerry even at you grandmother's funeral. [This is simple enough as I have only a simple cell phone reminiscent of mobile phone technology that is at least three years old, and I don’t SMS, neither do others do me. Definitely not a crackpot.]

3) Cyberchondria: A headache and a particular rash at the same time? Extensive online research tells you it must be cancer. [I still go to a doctor’s office the conventional way if the discomfort, in which case I just sit it out, evolves into something more substantial, say, a full-blown flu. So I’m not hypochondriac at consulting a medical doctor, in person, neither am I averse to seeking a second opinion, from another medical doctor.]

4) Egosurfing: When "just checking" gets out of control. [Well, I’ve maybe googled a total of less than 5 times my own name, or variations thereof. But I do keep a stats counter to monitor traffic to my blogs, just so I know my readers and their distribution a bit better. This is Customer Relation 101. So I make myself invisible when I’m surfing.]

5) Infornography: You're beyond being a healthy "infovore": acquiring and sharing information has become an addiction for you. [Blogging does seem to suggest some flaunting. But as long as one is tactful, tasteful, and netiquettish, and does not peddle nor pander, information sharing is definitely much better than complaining, ranting, raving, and any amount of e-voring.]

6) You Tube narcissism: Not even your closest family want to see hours of your holiday videos. [I don’t have a videocam, and my digital cam shoots mostly nature and scenery. So Narcissus is no friend of mine.]

7) Google-stalking: Snooping online on old friends, colleagues or first dates. [Yes, I’ve heard of such intrusions. Then again, one should refrain from putting personal information on the Net that one wishes to remain private, just like leaving one’s phone number unlisted. Done judiciously, it’s a great way to locate a long lost friend, the happy reunion of some I’ve personally witnessed. So I will just call it googling.]

8) MySpace impersonation: Many of us pretend to be someone we're not when we are online, but some will pretend to be a well-known figure. [Not me. I’m who I’m, nothing more, nothing less. I may use a shortened version of my name, but at any one time, at least one part of my name will always be identified.]

9) Powerpointlessness: One too many flashy slides. [I use Powerpoint, as an aid to presentation, to communicating ideas. A busy, cluttered, or flashy slide will only detract from the true message. It’s pointless, and assuredly powerless.]

10) Photolurking: Flicking through a photo album of someone you've never met. [I thought you’ve to be invited to view an online photo album. Those who bypass this security blanket risks being lurked at and worse, leered at.]

11) Wikipediholism: Excessive devotion to a certain online collaborative encyclopedia. You can test whether you're an addict here. [I admire those who have the time, the energy, and the passion to become a wikipediholic. I think as a community-driven collaboration, it's second to none. Just today I saw this book, Wikinomics by Don Tapscott and Anthony D. Willia, which extols the virtue of sharing in business collaboration. So sharing, wikipedia, wikinomics, and curriki, they are definitely the wave of the present and long into the future. Embrace them.]

So all in all, I certify myself to be a healthy blogger, of sound mind, and mature, down-to-earth disposition. There is nothing cyber about what I do except surfing. Can you say the same about you?